Mugs

There are only a handful of decisions in life that really matter—decisions that will completely alter your life’s trajectory. Your choice of career. Your choice between full-cream and oat milk. And your choice of a coffee mug.

Choose the wrong graphic coffee mug, and you’ll be plagued with awkward water-cooler conversations about where you got it. Choose a plain mug, and you’ll end up fighting Karen to get it back (because every plain mug is fair game in the office pantry).

Are you as sick and tired of receiving ugly, omg-I-made-this-for-you-during-pottery-but-it-can-barely-balance-itself-on-a-coffee-table mugs from your mother’s boyfriend’s child as we are?

Maybe we’re exaggerating, but let’s have a moment of silence for all the ugly, handmade coffee mugs that have been gifted, and ‘accidentally’ fallen and shattered on the ground. Oops.

You deserve better. You deserve to have your personality plastered over a fancy, customised ceramic mug.

We heard you loud and clear. We heard you so loud and clear that we bought a bunch of ceramic mugs and put our favourite cute cup designs all over them.

Whether you want the world to have a dose of Shut The Fucupcakes or Fuckoffee, or you want to tell your colleagues not to be a Cuntasaurus. There’s a Threadheads graphic mug for you. It’s time you sipped on those almond milk lattes in style.

We repeat: every plain mug is fair game in the office pantry. And, the sooner you understand this, the sooner you buy a personality-powered graphic cup, too.

What do we mean? Remember back (far, far back) when you started your first day at your fancy-schmancy corporate cubicle. You brought in your favourite mug (”Mugsy Wugsy”) because you finally had a job with a pantry and free Nescafe Blend 43.

You’d hit the big leagues.

Mugsy Wugsy wasn’t an ordinary coffee mug. Sure, it didn’t have a cute cup design. But it did have a chip hiding underneath the handle from that time you got a bit carried away and added three sachets of stevia instead of two. You were bouncing off the walls and punching teddy bears all day.

You placed Mugsy Wugsy in the office pantry amongst the crowd of other plain and customised coffee mugs. You thought, 'Screw it. It’ll be fine. It’s got a battle scar. No one else will use it.'

But you were wrong.

You waltzed over to Karen’s desk to get your first set of instructions for the afternoon. And lo and behold, there he was, Mugsy Wugsy, on her desk, in full view, filled with some hypoallergenic, gluten-free, jujube-ginger-tea concoction.

Not only had she used your Mugsy Wugsy, but she’d also soiled it with her Karen juice.

You tell Karen that the plain mug is yours. She snarls. And, she reminds you that all plain mugs are fair game at Thunder Tifflin Mug Company.

In an instant, you grab Mugsy Wugsy and shower Karen with her Karen juice. You knew you were fired, so you scurry to the elevator, clasping Mugsy Wugsy to your chest.

He was safe. You were safe. It was all going to be okay.

Firstly, how does it feel to have read the most extraordinary story about plain mugs in your life? Secondly, can you see how this situation could’ve been avoided?

It’s obvious. Get yourself a snazzy Threadheads printed mug with the panache and pizzaz of a thousand zebras painted as unicorns.

Trying to choose the right coffee mug is like trying to choose your first primary-school crush. There are so many options, but the playground playmate you choose to parade around with can make or break your reputation.

What does this even mean? Absolutely nothing.

But, choose the wrong cute cup design, and you could be staring down the barrel of years of “Chico, remember that time you had the stupid mug that said meow.” And we don’t want that. Here are a few questions to ask yourself:

Shop our mugs to stop this nonsense.

Sorry, I recently discovered what an Affogato was, and I had about twelve before writing this. Please buy some Threadheads Graphic Mugs so I can keep my job.